well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
