So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So much rum. So many feels.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
