You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
