you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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