His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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