I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
