Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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