While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
