I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
