I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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