You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
