i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
