I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
