You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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