Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
