Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
