Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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