everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
