remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize