i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
