I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize