I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
