i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
