I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize