dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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