he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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