11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
