What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
