is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
