Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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