you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
