Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
