"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
