i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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