I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
