Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
