I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
