So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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