hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
