I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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