lets start a swedish sibling band together
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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