Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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