all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
