I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I love you. Go after that dick
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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