Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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