Umm I'm too high to move.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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