Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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