I got chris browned last night
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
