Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
