You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
