Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
