Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
