The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
