I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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