My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
