Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
