I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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