I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
