party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize