wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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