Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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