too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
