Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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