So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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