I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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