I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
