i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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