My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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