You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
