Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
