Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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