Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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