you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
