areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
