glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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