i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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